Unconditional positive regard. I first heard this phrase from my writing professor over the summer. She talked about believing in unconditional positive regard and using that philosophy with each of us as we grew as writers with her. I have this same professor this semester and she continues to interact with each of us with the same unconditional positive regard. Then I was listening to a podcast and heard the phrase again. Third times a charm; I felt like it was a sign that I needed to share this philosophy with all of you.
Listening to the podcast, I couldn't help but think of many of our students. We talk a lot about how the pandemic has impacted many of our students in terms of their social and emotional behavior. I have heard teachers share stories of students being disrespectful, not engaging, making bad choices, and a long list of other negative things. Each day I spend time with different students who have made a bad choice, like being physical or getting frustrated and acting impulsively. It's hard not to take it personal or to feel frustrated that some of the same students are continually not following expectations or seeming to choose to misbehave. I said our theme this year is about connection and belonging, and I understand how these interactions with students don't make it easy to connect or improve relationships. This is where unconditional positive regard comes in. This idea comes from a book called Equity-Centered Trauma-Informed Education by Alex Venet. In her podcast, Jennifer Gonzalez shares: "Venet explains that unconditional positive regard is a stance that communicates this message to students: “I care about you. You have value. You don’t have to do anything to prove it to me, and nothing’s going to change my mind.” In her book, she asserts that taking this stance and putting it into practice builds the foundation on which our students can thrive." You don't have to tell me how hard this philosophy is at times to put into practice every day. It doesn't mean not holding students accountable for their actions. It simply means we have to keep this mindset when interacting or responding to student behavior. One of my favorite comments from the interview on the podcast is the thought that students don't have to earn our care, it's just assumed. Everyone gets care. Kids are allowed to make mistakes. They are going to make mistakes. They are going to struggle. They are going to have bad days. But no matter what every kid is worthy of care and love. And they need to know that we feel that way. There are many times when I am talking to a student and I ask them if they know why I am upset or why I expect more from them. I tell them it's because I care about them. I often tell them that here at school, we love them, and just because they made a mistake, it doesn't mean I don't care as much about them now. In fact, I sometimes tell them I care even more about them because I don't want them to start seeing themselves as the "bad kid" or the "kid who always makes the bad choices." In the podcast, they talk about what this looks like in action in a classrooms. And sometimes what it looks like is taking time, which is always hard, but finding the time, to connect and find out what kids care about. Using their interests to build those connections and show them that you care about what they care about. I also think with our new family groups that we formed, we will be able to do some of this work of practicing unconditional positive regard, building connection, showing kids that no matter what, we care about them. In our house, we have a sign that hangs in our family room. I bought it around the time we adopted our son. I walk by it every day and some days I stop and read it and think about the words: "Being a family means you will love and be loved for the rest of your life no matter what!" If you get a chance, listen to the podcast. Think about unconditional positive regard and the power that can have within our school community. What if we loved them all no matter what?
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Instead of writing a post today, I am including some visual motivation today. Less time to read a post, means more time for you to focus on whatever you need to do this week. I also wanted to share that you should check out the Coach's Corner under the 'More' heading. Maria added info about the Book Room.
![]() It's hard to believe we have already passed the six week mark for the school year. I have seen teachers working hard to create community within their classrooms. You have been establishing routines, getting to know your students individually and as a group, and helping them to feel a sense of belonging. We are also getting ready to talk about the results of our beginning of year data and make plans for how that data will guide our instruction. Your students needed these first six weeks to get into their groove. Without a focus on students' well-being and without focusing on creating a familiar structure and building community, we would not be able to push them to problem solve or help them to utilize higher order thinking skills. But now that we have established that classroom community, what now? Do we stop focusing on belonging? Do we get rid of the structures we have put in place? Do we stop teaching expectations? Of course the answer is no. While the focus of the first six weeks has been about connecting and establishing a classroom culture of community, that work never goes away. It may not be as prominent, but it's always there. We know that academic achievement happens not just because we plan and implement lessons in math, writing, reading, science, social studies. Our students will show growth this year because we do more than just plan and implement lessons. As our work with S3 is showing us, our students will show growth this year because we are focusing on all of the domains, not just academic. And they will show growth because we are going to help each other focus on every student in our class, not just the ones that present as needing the most support. And they will show growth because we are going to help each other think about our kids' strengths and how we can tap into those strengths to help them be successful and find joy, both in and out of school. As I mentioned at the beginning of the year, we are going to have family meetings throughout the year. Memorial implemented this plan last year and teachers shared how beneficial it was to be able to meet with a small group of kids from across the grade levels. It's doing different things like family meetings that will help us continue that first six weeks work throughout the school year. I would like to plan our first family meeting for this Friday at 9:30. I know we have chorus and type to learn scheduled, but I just want us to have our first initial family meeting and then we will look at picking future dates and times once a month that hopefully won't disrupt the schedule too much. I will share with you the groupings that we have already created. Classroom teachers will use their own classrooms to meet and then we have assigned other staff to different spaces to meet. This first family meeting will be a way to meet each other, learn who is in your family, and create a sign that visually represents your family. We will display these so that the kids can see that everyone is in a family. This first meeting will be about 20 minutes. I know the hardest part will be getting everyone to their correct meeting space this first time. Julia has created a list for each classroom where you can see where all of your students are going and who is the head of their family. We will utilize paras and 4th graders to help guide our younger students to their families. I am excited about this new opportunity for all of us to connect with our kids and continue to help all of them feel seen, heard, valued and celebrated. I have received some new picture books, and I am excited to hopefully come into some classrooms to do some read alouds. One book I was gifted as a thank you for helping pilot her lesson. Kathy Renfrew (who is also presenting this week at Memorial Wednesday after school!) gave me the book The Fantastic Bureau of Imagination. Such a creative story about creativity! Another great book I got is called A Smart, Smart School by Sharon Creech. Her other book, A Fine, Fine School used to be one of my all time favorites to read aloud, but this one might just be even better! I was also gifted a beautiful book called Beneath. This book celebrates our similarities and differences and that there is always more under the surface. When we were standing in the lobby of the church after my mom's celebration of life, a man who was unfamiliar to me came up to speak to me. He was crying and he said, "You probably don't know who I am." But as soon as he said that, I knew exactly who he was. I smiled and said, "You're Mike." I gave him the biggest hug, thanked him for coming, and told him how much my mom loved him.
Mike was one of my mom's favorites. And he was probably her biggest project. I think he was actually her most difficult student for many different reasons. He was placed in her Latin class during one of her first years at the private school she taught at. I think Mike's grandparents placed him at the school as a last ditch effort. Mike was in a gang and basically was a student that everyone had given up on. But not my mom. She took him under her wing. She pushed him. She told it to him straight. She set high expectations for him. She connected with him. She loved him. And he in turn loved her. He started showing up to school because my mom let him know she wanted him there. He was the only one allowed to give my mom a nickname, "Mern-dog." He even had a baseball cap made that had her nickname on it. Mike was famous in our house for a long time because we all knew what a tough case he was and how much he meant to my mom. The nickname and the stories related to him stuck long after he was no longer at the school. Fast forward to last week and here was this former "trouble student" standing in front of me crying and telling me how special my mom was to him. He is all grown up, employed, successful, and well, still alive. I wasn't sure if he was going to make it because of the crowd he ran with. There are a lot of names in the guest book from the service that my siblings and I looked over and appreciated them all taking the time to come and celebrate our mom. But Mike's name on that list means the most. He told me that my mom was his favorite person; her love and support was the reason he was standing in front of me today. I am sure you all have had that student. Or maybe you will have that student this year. Or maybe next year. Know that your love and support does make all the difference and can have a lasting impact, long after they leave your classroom. This week's post will be mostly visual. Take a look at the graphics that the district created last year related to data inquiry. Hopefully many parts will sound familiar since we started trying out parts of a data inquiry cycle last year. If you remember, we met every six weeks to notice and investigate, then as teams or individually we set "small goals" related to the data we reviewed. In two weeks, we will begin having our data inquiry cycle meetings by grade level. I look forward to noticing, investigating, planning, acting, and reflecting with you! The first two steps of the data inquiry cycle... Did you know it's Banned Book Week? I really don't understand why people ever think about banning books. Books make us better. Books help us heal. Two books that I just purchased are certainly helping me this week. One is called Ten Beautiful Things and it's about a little girl who lost her mother and has to go live with her grandmother. On the drive to grandma's house, while the little girl is feeling empty and sad, her grandmother has her try to find 10 beautiful things and it helps her with her grief. The other one is called Calling the Wind. In this book a family loses a loved one and they all go through the grieving process in different ways. They find a telephone booth and begin to call the lost loved one to keep talking to her and begin to heal.
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