Unconditional positive regard. I first heard this phrase from my writing professor over the summer. She talked about believing in unconditional positive regard and using that philosophy with each of us as we grew as writers with her. I have this same professor this semester and she continues to interact with each of us with the same unconditional positive regard. Then I was listening to a podcast and heard the phrase again. Third times a charm; I felt like it was a sign that I needed to share this philosophy with all of you.
Listening to the podcast, I couldn't help but think of many of our students. We talk a lot about how the pandemic has impacted many of our students in terms of their social and emotional behavior. I have heard teachers share stories of students being disrespectful, not engaging, making bad choices, and a long list of other negative things. Each day I spend time with different students who have made a bad choice, like being physical or getting frustrated and acting impulsively. It's hard not to take it personal or to feel frustrated that some of the same students are continually not following expectations or seeming to choose to misbehave. I said our theme this year is about connection and belonging, and I understand how these interactions with students don't make it easy to connect or improve relationships. This is where unconditional positive regard comes in. This idea comes from a book called Equity-Centered Trauma-Informed Education by Alex Venet. In her podcast, Jennifer Gonzalez shares: "Venet explains that unconditional positive regard is a stance that communicates this message to students: “I care about you. You have value. You don’t have to do anything to prove it to me, and nothing’s going to change my mind.” In her book, she asserts that taking this stance and putting it into practice builds the foundation on which our students can thrive." You don't have to tell me how hard this philosophy is at times to put into practice every day. It doesn't mean not holding students accountable for their actions. It simply means we have to keep this mindset when interacting or responding to student behavior. One of my favorite comments from the interview on the podcast is the thought that students don't have to earn our care, it's just assumed. Everyone gets care. Kids are allowed to make mistakes. They are going to make mistakes. They are going to struggle. They are going to have bad days. But no matter what every kid is worthy of care and love. And they need to know that we feel that way. There are many times when I am talking to a student and I ask them if they know why I am upset or why I expect more from them. I tell them it's because I care about them. I often tell them that here at school, we love them, and just because they made a mistake, it doesn't mean I don't care as much about them now. In fact, I sometimes tell them I care even more about them because I don't want them to start seeing themselves as the "bad kid" or the "kid who always makes the bad choices." In the podcast, they talk about what this looks like in action in a classrooms. And sometimes what it looks like is taking time, which is always hard, but finding the time, to connect and find out what kids care about. Using their interests to build those connections and show them that you care about what they care about. I also think with our new family groups that we formed, we will be able to do some of this work of practicing unconditional positive regard, building connection, showing kids that no matter what, we care about them. In our house, we have a sign that hangs in our family room. I bought it around the time we adopted our son. I walk by it every day and some days I stop and read it and think about the words: "Being a family means you will love and be loved for the rest of your life no matter what!" If you get a chance, listen to the podcast. Think about unconditional positive regard and the power that can have within our school community. What if we loved them all no matter what?
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