We want all of our students to experience a sense of belonging in our school, in their classrooms. But is that something we can teach? I would say not. So how do we help our students attain that sense of belonging? What do we do to create the feeling of belonging? I was part of a webinar recently that is part of a whole series about sense of belonging in schools. This webinar focused on behavior as communication. And I have certainly talked with people about kids behavior as communication, but I listened and joined in this discussion while thinking about our behavior as educators and responders to kids as communication. One phrase they used which I loved was "compassionate curiosity." As we work with our students, we need to be thinking about what our behavior is communicating. What if we always stopped and made a point to try to respond with compassionate curiosity? Read and think about this quote from Haim Ginott, a child psychologist and educator: Wow, that is powerful right? We as educators have a lot of power. And our "power" impacts each child that we interact with, communicate with, respond to. Personally, my goal, when I was a teacher, and for the last 15 years as an administrator, is to be "an instrument of inspiration." I certainly strive to utilize "compassionate curiosity" in my interactions with students. How we respond to kids can really just communicate two possible things. We either communicate in a way that makes a child feel included, accepted, supported, like they belong. Or we communicate in a way that makes a child feel excluded, not trusted, like we are annoyed. I know I need to work on my communication as a parent! Because there are many times that I can think of just over this past weekend whereI communicated to my kids that I was annoyed with their behavior. We are human and we have all of those feelings. But the quote above has definitely been on my mind and making me pause even more before I respond to my own children and then my "extra children" here at school. One way to respond to student behavior with compassionate curiosity is to ask questions so that you can better understand a student's needs. Another way is to offer information in order to help guide them to the next steps. When we ask them questions like "how are you feeling about this" or "how can I support you", we help them feel included and we are demonstrating compassion and care. We are also promoting some of those key SEL competencies that are crucial to help all students - self-awareness, self-management and social awareness. We can offer information in a way where we use observation instead of evaluation, like when we say "I noticed..." or "I can see you feel..." We can also help them by planning or making requests instead of demanding. We have to get in the habit of stating what we want, not what we don't want. For example, we could say "In the future would you be willing to..." The webinar shared a great resource of reflection questions to help us check our own biases and assumptions. An example of some of these reflection questions: 1. How often do I say "no" in the classroom? Which students do I say this to the most? 2. How often do I say sit down or be quiet? Which students to I say sit down or be quiet to the most? 3. What is a behavior that tends to bother me, but not other students? Which students are frequently engaging in this behavior? 4. What emotional reactions do I have in the classroom? a. Which students, if any, am I excited to see each day? Why? b. Which students, if any, do I not feel excitement to see? Why? c. Are there times of day when I feel most excited in the classroom? Why? d. Are there times of day when I feel most stressed or anxious in the classroom? Why? e. What strategies can I use to lower my own emotional response when challenging behaviors occur? You can find more of these questions and an in the moment strategies chart resource page here. When we think about student behavior as a form of communication, it's always a good reminder that how we respond to their behavior is another form of communication as well. Is our response helping our students feel supported and that they belong here? Or are we communicating something different? I have done an activity with educators where we act out different words. I will tell you the scenario here and let you try it on your own. When you hear the word "react" how would you pantomime or freeze in a way that would show that word? Now do the same but for the word "respond." When I am in a room full of people, it's amazing to see how those two words are shown in very different ways. My question for you to think about...today when you are working one on one with a student or with a whole group or in a small group...are you reacting to behavior or are you responding? I finished listening to Write For Your Life and loved it. In fact, I will probably listen to some chapters again because it is inspiring me to do more journaling and writing. I started listening to Prince Harry's book Spare. I am also slowly working my way through Reader, Come Home. I know some other staff are reading it or recently read it so I want to be able to chat with people about it, but it is filled with dense material and requires a lot of mental energy to read it. I did quickly read a great Jason Reynolds book this weekend. It's called Ain't Burned All the Bright. It's a collaboration that he did with Jason Griffin during the pandemic. It's basically three long sentences spread out over 300+pages of artwork. One of the book that I shared on my digital read aloud library was a new picture book for me. It's called Nigel and the Moon. I was lucky enough to be on a virtual meeting last week with the author. Loved hearing his inspiration for the book.
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